Sick and Tired of being Sick and Tired

Complaining is easier than not because it requires no responsibility. A person can complain on and on about something and never do anything to improve the situation. So this is my confession. I have been a horrible complainer these last few months. Granted my circumstances would have required most to complain a little, but I believe I’ve been called to a higher standard. And I am to do everything without complaining or arguing, a Wise Man once told me. I was reminded the other night, despite how sick and secluded I’ve felt, how awesome it is that I can run to Jesus. And how precious those nights are, me crying out to Him. As much as I’d love to feel better forever, there’s another part of me that wouldn’t trade those nights in agony for anything, because they were beautiful, intense embraces with my Savior. I choose to believe the Lord is able, He hears my voice, and He needs me to believe in His good and mighty plan.

"For I will restore health to you and heal you of your wounds," says the Lord. -Jeremiah 30:17

"He took up our infirmities and carried our diseases." Matthew 8:17

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." Mark 11:24

pointing fingers.

The difference between your love and mine

Is I will always stand beside you and

You'll just stay til you have to go...

Sometimes I feel as if I give and give and give in relationships and gain nothing in return. I sacrifice, serve, and try my best to love in the most unselfish manner. And as the end of the day, I'm one step forward and two steps back, left empty handed and on my wits end. I want to be heard and known, and I feel so overlooked. I ask myself, "What's the point?" knowing full well I'm gonna wake up tomorrow morning and do it all over again anyway. Because life and love is tough and the only way to do it well is to do it with all my heart. Rejection is painful, but sitting in my bubble of safety is far, far worse. I sit here and blame others for dismissing me, but when I point, there are three pointing back at me...

Jesus reminds me daily how He understands what I'm going through entirely. He gives Himself continually to those He knows will reject Him. He has been used, mistreated, lied to, and disrespected more than anyone I know. He tries to talk to people because He, too, longs to be heard and known, and you and I both know people don't give Him the time of day. However, He never questions His persistance in loving us. As tired or sad people may make Him, each day He promises new mercies and new grace, offering forgiveness and second chances over and over again. He knows life and love are tough, but the only way to do it is to do it with all His heart, all of who He is, laying down His own life. He deserves all the glory and honor and praise, yet He's lucky if we give Him 5 minutes in the morning. It breaks my heart, because I'm the one to blame...

Fearfully and Wonderfully

Isn't it funny how a black and white fuzzy sonogram with a picture of what can best be described as a peanut can take your breath away?

I was reminded today of God's mighty plan. His plan for my life was laid out long before I took my first breath. He knows the number of my days and hairs on my head.

My parents were telling me last week about how scary my mom's pregnancy was with me. They couldn't find my heart beat. I had glaucoma at the time of delivery. Plus I was 25 days late. Every mothers dream, right?

The Lord is Love and His love is so great. He cares about every little thing, whether it be a test coming up, an argument with a friend, flat tire, or picture of a peanut on a sonogram. "God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we do ourselves." 1 John 3:20

Congratulations friends. I cannot wait to be an aunt-ish to this little guy and spoil him rotten. :)