Sick and Tired of being Sick and Tired

Complaining is easier than not because it requires no responsibility. A person can complain on and on about something and never do anything to improve the situation. So this is my confession. I have been a horrible complainer these last few months. Granted my circumstances would have required most to complain a little, but I believe I’ve been called to a higher standard. And I am to do everything without complaining or arguing, a Wise Man once told me. I was reminded the other night, despite how sick and secluded I’ve felt, how awesome it is that I can run to Jesus. And how precious those nights are, me crying out to Him. As much as I’d love to feel better forever, there’s another part of me that wouldn’t trade those nights in agony for anything, because they were beautiful, intense embraces with my Savior. I choose to believe the Lord is able, He hears my voice, and He needs me to believe in His good and mighty plan.

"For I will restore health to you and heal you of your wounds," says the Lord. -Jeremiah 30:17

"He took up our infirmities and carried our diseases." Matthew 8:17

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." Mark 11:24

pointing fingers.

The difference between your love and mine

Is I will always stand beside you and

You'll just stay til you have to go...

Sometimes I feel as if I give and give and give in relationships and gain nothing in return. I sacrifice, serve, and try my best to love in the most unselfish manner. And as the end of the day, I'm one step forward and two steps back, left empty handed and on my wits end. I want to be heard and known, and I feel so overlooked. I ask myself, "What's the point?" knowing full well I'm gonna wake up tomorrow morning and do it all over again anyway. Because life and love is tough and the only way to do it well is to do it with all my heart. Rejection is painful, but sitting in my bubble of safety is far, far worse. I sit here and blame others for dismissing me, but when I point, there are three pointing back at me...

Jesus reminds me daily how He understands what I'm going through entirely. He gives Himself continually to those He knows will reject Him. He has been used, mistreated, lied to, and disrespected more than anyone I know. He tries to talk to people because He, too, longs to be heard and known, and you and I both know people don't give Him the time of day. However, He never questions His persistance in loving us. As tired or sad people may make Him, each day He promises new mercies and new grace, offering forgiveness and second chances over and over again. He knows life and love are tough, but the only way to do it is to do it with all His heart, all of who He is, laying down His own life. He deserves all the glory and honor and praise, yet He's lucky if we give Him 5 minutes in the morning. It breaks my heart, because I'm the one to blame...

Fearfully and Wonderfully

Isn't it funny how a black and white fuzzy sonogram with a picture of what can best be described as a peanut can take your breath away?

I was reminded today of God's mighty plan. His plan for my life was laid out long before I took my first breath. He knows the number of my days and hairs on my head.

My parents were telling me last week about how scary my mom's pregnancy was with me. They couldn't find my heart beat. I had glaucoma at the time of delivery. Plus I was 25 days late. Every mothers dream, right?

The Lord is Love and His love is so great. He cares about every little thing, whether it be a test coming up, an argument with a friend, flat tire, or picture of a peanut on a sonogram. "God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we do ourselves." 1 John 3:20

Congratulations friends. I cannot wait to be an aunt-ish to this little guy and spoil him rotten. :)

My Lord and His Laughter

I believe the Lord works in funny ways. Time and time again, He humorously reminds me of His goodness and His unwavering love for me. A girl like me needs that now and then. I've been more blessed than I could have ever hoped for, and I recognize I don't have much to complain about. So when things seem to hit the fan, when I feel lost in my own head, when I've failed and disappointed myself, it's easy to take it hard. Lucky for me the Author of Life actually knew what He was doing when He designed me this way, and He has lavished me with blessed assurance and a peace surpassing all understanding.

Sunday morning, my sister and I were teaching the fifth and sixth grade girls Sunday school class. Kortney thought to hand a paper to each of them with Get to Know Ya questions. These always crack me up, because I tend to change my mind a lot. If you looked at the papers like these from the past, you would think you were looking at a completely different person. Some weeks I like green. Other times Chocolate is my favorite ice cream flavor, not vanilla. My dream job changes all the time, with varieties like a stay at home mom, a news anchor, a star's personal rep, etc. So this Sunday was no different than any other. I started writing down bogus answers, like how my earliest memory was sleeping in a camper in my driveway, or that my ideal vacation included a trip to Paris, and my favorite left over food really was pizza. TomAto, TomOto.

Second service was awesome. Our pastor talked about how the Lord is always at work around us and through us, but that more often than not we miss out on these miracles because we write it off as luck or coinsidence. He reminded us of our God's great love for us...that He really does hear our prayers and takes them to heart. This was comforting to me because I've been praying for some big things lately. This stage in my life has been a refining stage. Which is great, because I've really grown so much. It's also been so tough because it hurts when the Lord and I take a good look at the garbage in my life. I've been praying for a break, for a chance to be enlightened, for a new chapter.

About 26 hours later, I get a text message asking if I wanted to go to Paris. I laughed and cried, because I knew that the Lord of the Universe was sitting on His throne, laughing and saying "See Kayla, my Love is alive and at work..." Which was all I needed to hear before accepting this extraordinary offer.

My God is Good.

risk.

"I've been thinking a lot lately about taking chances, and how it's really just about overcoming your fears. Because the truth is, everytime you take a big risk in your life, no matter how it ends up, you're always glad you took it."