Sick and Tired of being Sick and Tired

Complaining is easier than not because it requires no responsibility. A person can complain on and on about something and never do anything to improve the situation. So this is my confession. I have been a horrible complainer these last few months. Granted my circumstances would have required most to complain a little, but I believe I’ve been called to a higher standard. And I am to do everything without complaining or arguing, a Wise Man once told me. I was reminded the other night, despite how sick and secluded I’ve felt, how awesome it is that I can run to Jesus. And how precious those nights are, me crying out to Him. As much as I’d love to feel better forever, there’s another part of me that wouldn’t trade those nights in agony for anything, because they were beautiful, intense embraces with my Savior. I choose to believe the Lord is able, He hears my voice, and He needs me to believe in His good and mighty plan.

"For I will restore health to you and heal you of your wounds," says the Lord. -Jeremiah 30:17

"He took up our infirmities and carried our diseases." Matthew 8:17

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." Mark 11:24

pointing fingers.

The difference between your love and mine

Is I will always stand beside you and

You'll just stay til you have to go...

Sometimes I feel as if I give and give and give in relationships and gain nothing in return. I sacrifice, serve, and try my best to love in the most unselfish manner. And as the end of the day, I'm one step forward and two steps back, left empty handed and on my wits end. I want to be heard and known, and I feel so overlooked. I ask myself, "What's the point?" knowing full well I'm gonna wake up tomorrow morning and do it all over again anyway. Because life and love is tough and the only way to do it well is to do it with all my heart. Rejection is painful, but sitting in my bubble of safety is far, far worse. I sit here and blame others for dismissing me, but when I point, there are three pointing back at me...

Jesus reminds me daily how He understands what I'm going through entirely. He gives Himself continually to those He knows will reject Him. He has been used, mistreated, lied to, and disrespected more than anyone I know. He tries to talk to people because He, too, longs to be heard and known, and you and I both know people don't give Him the time of day. However, He never questions His persistance in loving us. As tired or sad people may make Him, each day He promises new mercies and new grace, offering forgiveness and second chances over and over again. He knows life and love are tough, but the only way to do it is to do it with all His heart, all of who He is, laying down His own life. He deserves all the glory and honor and praise, yet He's lucky if we give Him 5 minutes in the morning. It breaks my heart, because I'm the one to blame...

Fearfully and Wonderfully

Isn't it funny how a black and white fuzzy sonogram with a picture of what can best be described as a peanut can take your breath away?

I was reminded today of God's mighty plan. His plan for my life was laid out long before I took my first breath. He knows the number of my days and hairs on my head.

My parents were telling me last week about how scary my mom's pregnancy was with me. They couldn't find my heart beat. I had glaucoma at the time of delivery. Plus I was 25 days late. Every mothers dream, right?

The Lord is Love and His love is so great. He cares about every little thing, whether it be a test coming up, an argument with a friend, flat tire, or picture of a peanut on a sonogram. "God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we do ourselves." 1 John 3:20

Congratulations friends. I cannot wait to be an aunt-ish to this little guy and spoil him rotten. :)

My Lord and His Laughter

I believe the Lord works in funny ways. Time and time again, He humorously reminds me of His goodness and His unwavering love for me. A girl like me needs that now and then. I've been more blessed than I could have ever hoped for, and I recognize I don't have much to complain about. So when things seem to hit the fan, when I feel lost in my own head, when I've failed and disappointed myself, it's easy to take it hard. Lucky for me the Author of Life actually knew what He was doing when He designed me this way, and He has lavished me with blessed assurance and a peace surpassing all understanding.

Sunday morning, my sister and I were teaching the fifth and sixth grade girls Sunday school class. Kortney thought to hand a paper to each of them with Get to Know Ya questions. These always crack me up, because I tend to change my mind a lot. If you looked at the papers like these from the past, you would think you were looking at a completely different person. Some weeks I like green. Other times Chocolate is my favorite ice cream flavor, not vanilla. My dream job changes all the time, with varieties like a stay at home mom, a news anchor, a star's personal rep, etc. So this Sunday was no different than any other. I started writing down bogus answers, like how my earliest memory was sleeping in a camper in my driveway, or that my ideal vacation included a trip to Paris, and my favorite left over food really was pizza. TomAto, TomOto.

Second service was awesome. Our pastor talked about how the Lord is always at work around us and through us, but that more often than not we miss out on these miracles because we write it off as luck or coinsidence. He reminded us of our God's great love for us...that He really does hear our prayers and takes them to heart. This was comforting to me because I've been praying for some big things lately. This stage in my life has been a refining stage. Which is great, because I've really grown so much. It's also been so tough because it hurts when the Lord and I take a good look at the garbage in my life. I've been praying for a break, for a chance to be enlightened, for a new chapter.

About 26 hours later, I get a text message asking if I wanted to go to Paris. I laughed and cried, because I knew that the Lord of the Universe was sitting on His throne, laughing and saying "See Kayla, my Love is alive and at work..." Which was all I needed to hear before accepting this extraordinary offer.

My God is Good.

risk.

"I've been thinking a lot lately about taking chances, and how it's really just about overcoming your fears. Because the truth is, everytime you take a big risk in your life, no matter how it ends up, you're always glad you took it."

Highlights and Lowlights of 2008

*work
My job is still so much stinkin fun. I am so, so blessed to have it. It’s a giant slumber party, to say the least. Women come in and we talk as I play with their hair. Everyday is filled with opportunities to love, minister to, and share life with people from all walks of life. I have been touched and challenged. This year I’ve been lucky to build great clientele that keep me just busy enough. In a time where jobs are sparse and stability is not likely, I cannot express enough how truly grateful I am for it. Oh, and it’s so fun too.

*goat farm adventures
Within an hour of arriving, I witnessed first hand a cow giving birth. Between that and dodging the mud pies, we had a pretty lively time. The numbers were overwhelming: 2,000 cows, 900 acres, 300 goats, 35 calf’s, 3 dogs, 2 bulls, 2 four wheelers, and one heck of a Kaboda. It was so fun watching my parents ride around on the four wheelers and my sister and I felt like we were on The Simple Life. Then I spent the rest of the week with my toes in the sand without a care in the world.

*cdyc with my old youth group
It couldn’t have gone any better, coming back as a cdyc alum. The jr. high youth amazed me. It’s such a gift, watching God work in the hearts of young people, and what a privilege to be a part of their journey. The dorm room’s became holy ground as we laughed and cried and shared stories about the Lord’s great grace in our lives. He stirred the hearts and minds of the students, including my own. The jr high girls touched my heart in a way they’ll never know; what a blessed week that was.

*weekend in Chicago
It was mom’s birthday second week of august. The family stayed the night downtown Chicago, enjoying the shops and Cheesecake Factory. The next morning we spent more time than ever in the ever fabulous Ikea. (www.ikea.com for those unfortunate souls who haven’t been blessed by this beautiful place.)

*buying my first car
What a messy process. I always thought cars would be a fun hobby. I was in for a rude awakening. There’s this game in car buying they don’t teach you in high school. Not a fan. Hopefully she’ll last me ‘til the minivan years! Oh, and yes, I’m not too proud to sport a minivan!

*sarah palin in fort wayne! But not doing her hair…
It was a Wednesday afternoon. I received a phone call at work saying the beloved Mrs. Palin would be arriving in my hometown in 3 days. My heart sang! It was such a great experience. Being a small business owner myself, it was encouraging to hear people in congress actually have us small town workers in mind. Like Joe the Plumber, that night I stood proud as Kayla the Hairstylist and saw in a whole new light how precious America is. Despite the outcome of the election, it was very encouraging and definitely a great learning experience for me.

*Colorado with Brooke
My awesome parents surprised me with a ticket to the Springs to spend time with Brooke. This summer had been a little more tough than usual, since so many friends of mine weren’t home like they normally would have been. I was just lonely and needing quality time with them, and this was a perfect solution. I love flying, for one. I’d never been to CO, and the mountains blew my mind. We got to spend time downtown and in the mountains. It was perfect.

*colts game with dad
Granted the big and beautiful Jeff Saturday was injured and unable to play…AND they lost. Regardless, what a fun time. Dad and I got to be a part of the first regular season Colts Home Football Game in Lucas Oil Stadium. Holler. We had fun just talking and laughing on our way down, and it was such a cool experience. I wouldn’t have wanted to spend that time with anyone else. I love that man.

*Celiacs and Hypoglycemia
It’s been an interesting year. But to sum it up, I am so very grateful for the health that I have. Granted, I’ve missed out on a few days of work, times with friends and family, and good food. But, these trials have brought me to my knees and pointed me to Jesus time after time. No stomach pain or strict diet can keep those precious times with my Savior away from me. My diseases have kept me searching for more and more of Jesus and kept me longing more and more for that day to come when, by His grace, I can spend every ounce of eternity with Him. And be made NEW. No worries, no pain, no fear. Just perfection. I can deal with my problems here on earth because the Lord has promised that day is near.

*carrie underwood concert with my sister
We surprised Kortney with Carrie Underwood concert tickets. Long story short, a tiny fib about tickets being unavailable due to an Australian fiddle player who just happened to be a big fan of her’s, who just happened to be in town from Australia that very day. No one ever accused my sister of being the sharpest tool in the shed. :) Anyway, my parents let her and I go and wow, what a fun time. My little sister has become a role model in my life. I’m just so glad for her. Oh, and that was the night I discovered my love for Josh Turner.

*fishin in the dark, lyin on our backs and countin the stars
This summer I took up fishing. Never been a big outdoors girl, but I truly enjoyed it! It all started with a little trip to walmart where we purchased poles, bate, and rubber gloves (cause we don’t wanna touch the fish!!) anyway, it got my family and a few friends out in the backyard. We were blessed with a beautiful summer…

*last minute shane and shane concert, where I also got to meet Bethany Dillon
So what if I froze and forgot to tell her she was my text message ring tone? We had a lovely chat!! it was a picturesque evening filled with hymns and praise and laughter…just a glimpse of what’s to come!

*i felt the earth move under my feet

around 5:30 a.m. one morning last fall, I woke up to my bed shaking and my window rattling. Still fatigued, I decided it was probably just windy outside and it would calm down. Maybe 10-15 seconds later, my bed had finally stopped moving. I went back to sleep and woke up a few minutes later when I noticed some things had fallen from my book shelf. I could tell some of my pictures and belongings had moved a little as I could see their old outline in dust (not terribly dirty, I promise). I had experienced my first, and most likely only, being that I'm in Indiana, earthquake. How fun.

*friendships
Every trip to star bucks, every phone conversation…Between college visits, movie nights, games, holidays, etc. I cannot say enough. They’re wonderful to me.

I am blessed beyond measure...

give it up.

set apart for Him that which means the most to you.